A dopey, sun-bleached direct-to-video fantasy about a lovelorn slacker (Dean Cameron) who finds a magic bottle and immediately uses his infinite wishes to try and bag a supermodel. The genie (Ami Dolenz, daughter of Monkee Mickey Dolenz) can’t force anyone to fall in love. That’s of course part of Genie Law, the one rule that every movie genie makes sure to repeat out loud. But she’s happy to handle the superficial stuff. Sharpen his volleyball serve, upgrade his wardrobe, pad his bank account. Instant lifestyle inflation.
His dream girl (Felicity Waterman) is English, statuesque, and mostly there to drift across the sand in slow motion. Because that’s hawt. The idea that she isn’t instantly smitten is treated like a glitch in the wish system—something the genie takes as a personal challenge to fix. Until, of course, she starts catching feelings herself. Cue sabotage and pouty rule-breaking—that is, until management catches on.
Indeed, there’s genie middle management. She has a boss who threatens to send in a replacement genie, like this whole operation is run out of a magical temp agency. Maybe we should ask if we can buy a franchise.
Will he realize he loves the genie before it’s too late? Of course he will. You knew that somewhere between the style montages and the scenes where he can’t even word a wish correctly, like English is his second language.
Pat Morita shows up as a beach bum who shuffles through scenes in flip-flops and offering a few zen platitudes like he’s fulfilling community service hours. He looks half asleep and half embarrassed like he’s just waiting for The Next Karate Kid to call him up and release him from this tanning-lotion purgatory.
The movie plays like a softcore Weird Science, except there are fewer neurons and more puka shells. None of this remotely believable. Though not the genie part—that’s believable enough. I’m talking about the idea that anyone in this love triangle would find anyone else worth the effort. But this movie might not be a total loss. If you’ve ever wanted to watch a genie help a guy pick out a beach-appropriate wristwatch that’ll also make you look rich, well, Miracle Beach might be your oddly specific wish come true.